Pitch your love like this, Delhi

If Delhiites were to apply for the position of someone’s lover, what would they write in their resume? Would they brag about their knowledge of brands, or flaunt their bank balance? Read on to find out.
When we came across the CV of a boy in the UK applying to become a boyfriend – including ‘skills’ like cuddling and and the ability to ‘really listen’ – it was only obvious to wonder how single Delhi girls and boys would pitch themselves in the relationship market.It would probably read like this...
A typical Delhi boy’s CV
Age: Age no bar, in love
Address: in transit, hope to live in your heart, currently residing in Delhi
Contact No. (+91) XOXOXOXOXO
Email: lailasmajnoo@lovemail.com
Experience (read exes)
1. Duration: Three years
Reason for termination of relationship:
She wasn’t ready for commitment
She just hated my gelled hair
Skills gained:
Long term commitment training
Talking on the phone all night long
2. Duration: Six months
Reason for termination of relationship:
Mom didn’t approve of her
She had never heard of Zara
She travelled by the Metro
Skills gained:
Perfected time management – can pick and drop anyone in my car and meet timelines
Discovered the best places in the city for girls to shop for clothes and accessories internships (read flings)
Details: Na, bhai, na – I’m not the ‘flirty kinds’
Core Skills
Can remember important dates
Can cuddle to comfort in any and every situation
Ability to drive around town for as long as the person on the passenger seat wishes
Can sit through rom-coms and even shed a tear or two
Can narrate the dialogues of every SRK movie verbatim
Open to PDA, or not, depending on your preference
Can speak English fluently, with a hint of my very own version of an American accent
Poker champ – Have an account on Fulltilt in England and yes, I bet in pounds
Achievements
Have a house in South Delhi
Have three cars parked in my enormous driveway, of which two are super luxe
The son of a Punjabi woman who can cook aaloo ka paranthas in desi ghee
Have a big fat family business
Have been to London, Paris and New York
Have reached Pro level in FIFA on my Play Station 3
Have a platinum credit card apart from my ‘pocket money’ account
Declaration
I hereby declare that all the information provided is authentic. For reference, please contact my uncle who owns a nightclub in the city or my other uncle who is a minister with a big house in central Delhi
A typical delhi girl’s CV
Age: as young as 22 years
Address: South Delhi, very close to GK-I, M Block
Contact No. (+91) XOXOXOXOXO
Email: majnooslaila@lovemail.com
Experience (read exes)
1. Duration: One-and-a-half years
Reason for termination of relationship:
He wasn’t ready for commitment
Other boys complimented my good looks and fair skin too often
He lived in Faridabad!
Skills gained:
Long term commitment training
Talking on the phone all night long
2. Duration: 10 months
Reason for termination of relationship:
Daddy didn’t approve of him (I follow whatever my parents say and always listen to them)
He had never heard of Zara
He didn’t have a car
Skills gained:
Puppy-face making
Gained the ability to train people about brands and shopping internships (read flings)
Details: Hawwwww! I believe in true love and only ‘loose’/‘fast’ girls have flings
Core Skills
Ability to sit through cricket matches, even the ones that begin at midnight
Not open to PDA – again, only ‘loose’ girls do stuff like that
Can baby-talk forever
Can fit jaanu and baby in every sentence when conversing with my boyfriend
Perfected the art of fluttering my eyelashes
Quick to update my Facebook status, with particular emphasis on changing my relationship status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’. Can willingly mention the name of the boy as well (because that’s true love)
Quick enough to doll up in less than 2 hours
Achievements
Pink is my favourite colour
Studied fashion in London
Have been on vacations to so many international destinations and every photograph is up on Facebook
My daddy is a big-time businessman
Ability to wear heels on a regular basis
Have shopped in a South Delhi mall for eight hours straight (without any breaks)
Declaration
I hereby declare that all the information provided is authentic. For reference, please contact my bua, who a well-known artist in Delhi.